The Griswolds Have Nothing on Our Family Vacation: Part One

It was too good to be true.

On our calendar. In ink. A week-long, old-school, pack-up-the-van, wear-swim-suits-all-day-until-you-chafed, summer vacation.

Tom, Junior, Missy and Me in the Remake of National Lampoon's Vacation

The first part would be spent in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan with five of my besties from high school and our families. My friend’s parents have a compound right on the lake and my kids were thrilled that we would be sleeping in their pop-up camper. (We aren’t outdoorsy people, so this was a Big Deal.)

The rest of the week, we were staying off the beaten path in the Wisconsin Dells right on the Wisconsin river with a beach, pool, air conditioning, gas grill, free water park tickets and mini fridge. (Our version of roughing it.) Our suite’s deck overlooked the river and its dramatic rock formations — perfect for nightcaps while the kids dozed off inside.

That was the plan.

You may recall, two weeks ago I posted a Recap of the Past 10 Days that ended with Tom going to the ER in fear that he might have kidney stones again.

“The good news is that the results came back negative for stones. Maybe he has some kind of strain. The bad news, well, if you haven’t figured out our life story by now, is that the other shoe will drop at the most inopportune time.”

That inopportune time occurred the morning we were leaving for our trip. Tom bent over to pick up a shirt, tweaked some bizzaro nerve that fired up his entire leg. He collapsed on the bed. His whole limb was numb and the throbbing pain in his knee felt like a stabbing knife.

I am not proud to admit that I my first thought was, “So help me God, if we have to cancel this trip, I am going to lose my shit. I gotta get the hell out of here!” Last summer, Tom was the only person who was able to get away. Sure, it was with the help anesthesia. He was knocked out six times for kidney stone procedures, but at least he was able to escape!

I bit my tongue and stifled my infamous “sighs” that drive him insane. He managed to get up and into the shower. Our plan was to leave after work, so I drove him to the train and he shuffled off to the office. He called his back doc (my Lemon in the Garden of Love herniated a disc a few years ago) and got set up on some steroids to reduce the swelling.

I gave him a half-assed out, but he insisted that he was okay. Selfishly relieved, I gallantly loaded up the van and we headed out onto the open road.

Who really needs to have feeling in both legs anyway?

Especially the driver.


Who is the asswipe behind running this ad?

Okay, now Google thinks my butt stinks. Is anyone else getting the ad for “A Sprayed Behind is a Clean Behind?” It’s sad when your own blog insults you.

Permanent link to this article: http://www.mom-mom-mom.com/2011/07/30/the-griswolds-have-nothing-on-our-family-vacation-part-one/


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  1. PM

    Oh, NO! Your family (especially YOU) deserve a nice, normal, uneventful vacation. I don’t know what that is myself, but you do. As much as I’m dying for part 2, I wish you had it.

  2. Maureen Jopes

    I can’t believe you’re leaving us hangin’ like this. When I saw your mini van in the drive last night, I thought “oh no!” I praying there’s a good ending to this story 🙂

  3. Kim Pugliano

    Oh gosh I feel your pain through my best friend, whose husband threw his back out day one of their honeymoon and was laid up the entire time. I can’t WAIT to see how your vacation played out.

  4. A Field of Dreams

    I want more! Damn you woman…

  5. Xavier

    It really is rare to find knowledgeable people with this issue, but you sound like you are aware of exactly what you are preaching about! Thanks a lot

  6. Karen

    Yeah, right on, Xavier, you crazy spamming robot! I do know a lot about crap never ever going according to my plan. Or any plan. I am so glad that you appreciate my preaching!

  1. The Follow-Up: The Griswolds Have Nothing on Our Family Vacation » mom-mom-mom

    […] The Griswolds Have Nothing on Our Family Vacation: Part One […]

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