Thank you so much for all of the response to our dog drama — the comments are way funnier than the original story! If you missed them, please check out the last few posts.
Most readers were in favor of getting a dog. My husband’s buddy suggested a pet pig. If it didn’t work out, they can enjoy pork products for a few months.
I have to admit that I am getting worn down on a slight possibility of thinking about thinking about getting a pooch. I am especially weak tonight as the kids cried themselves to bed when I told them that sadly, there was no way we were getting a bull dog. Even though they are so darn cute. (The dog, not the kids. Well, the kids, too.)
After reading the last post, my classmate from high school sent me an enlightening email. It’s so damn hilarious, that with her blessing, I had to share the whole thing:
“Thought I would send you a reply, in case you ever do break down on the dog issue, or want to share some information with your darling daughter. We are the “proud” owners of 2 bulldogs. One is actually a miniature bulldog from Minnesota – who is a pretty great pet. The OTHER one is from a breeder in Florida (also supposed to be a mini-bull) and NOT such a great pet.
I was talked/bullied into getting this breed of dog myself. I LOVE dogs, but have never been a fan of the bully. They are all the things you may have heard….SMELLY!!!!!!! DUMB!!!!!! STUBBORN!!!!!! DUMB!!!!! SMELLY!!!!!! STUPID!!!!!! (you get the picture)….
My poor husband wore ME down with tales of a future as him as an old man, rocking in a chair on a front porch somewhere (at like 82 years old) and FINALLY being able to get that bulldog he always wanted (I guess I’m dead in this story)….so I think the point he was making here is that I, as the general in charge (as it should be) usually gets what I want…..why oh why can’t he????
Our first bully is a miniature (NOT recognized by the AKA – who cares). He is pretty awesome, only like 40 pounds or so….tolerably smelly, minimally trainable (he can give paw – big whoop). But he was REALLY expensive (ie. that year’s tax return money)…..
Then, we had a thought….at the time, there was quite the market for mini-bulldogs (before economy tanked and people were still spending hard-earned cash for full bred dogs). How about ANOTHER one (female) so we can breed and sell them….I even had a website name…..are you ready…..Chicago Mini-Bulls!
Well, our female puppy addition was all cute at first….but a total DOPE. Really, the text book, ‘dumb as a box of rocks’ bulldog. AND….she has grown to be a portly 70+ pounds….NOT the mini she was supposed to be….breeder said 35-40 lbs. max…..needless to say, they were scamming people and are NO LONGER in business!
Unfortunately, our male mini-bull cannot seem to “reach” the necessary “areas” on our big-mama Pearl, therefore, no Chicago Mini-Bulls have been produced! Darn! Which is why I’m still working, I’ll have you know!
Anyway….our 100% full bred English Bulldog has many of the expected maladies like: yeast that grows in her folds, REALLY stinky smell coming from her tail at all times – even if I bathe her once a week, cysts between her toes that split and bleed some times, allergies that make her itch like crazy and rub her body and face all over the carpet and furniture as a way of scratching herself, passes TONS of smelly gas, SNORES louder than any person I have ever heard….etc, etc.
So, you have to think long and hard and have your eyes wide open before taking that leap….because once you get one, it’s nearly impossible to “un-get” one, if you know what I mean. I’ve attached a picture of PEARL for your viewing pleasure!”
(Pearl is so adorable — I can’t believe she isn’t getting lucky!)