Oh lordy. For the past two weeks, I have been eating and drinking like I am going to the electric chair. Looks like it’s finally time to break out that box of Ultimate Detox and Cleanse that I bought from the health food store months ago. “Helps cleanse the bowel, liver and blood.” Sign my bloated ass up!
Since it looks like I will be spending some quality time in the bathroom cleaning my colon, I thought I’d share some of my favorite posts from the past year.
Wishing you lots of happiness, good health and regular movements in 2011~
“You can’t see farts. Unless you are in the water.” Aidan
Aidan is in the Gifted Program
Here is an entry from Aidan’s Kindergarten journal. The handwriting is his teacher’s interpretation of what he was trying to write. We are still trying to figure out if he upper decked someone.
Aidan’s Cup Runneth Over
“So baseball season is upon us and the kids are playing catcher this year which only means one thing: lots of errant balls! Coach (husband) instructs the parents to get all their boys cups for protection.” More>
Another Cup Runneth Over
“Being the oldest child, I didn’t have a sister to fill me on all the pubes, boobs and dudes. It didn’t help matters that I was such a tomboy so I was completely mortified by the appearance of any little knobs. (For the record, things kind of stopped there anyway. Be careful what you wish for!)” More>
Four Wheeling Accident
“Okay, here comes Fun Mom, shuffling around the rink with kindergarteners speeding past me. I make my way around twice, slow down to help Aidan and BAM! I fall exactly on my tailbone and started seeing Tweety Bird fly around my head while trying to keep an F-bomb in my mouth.” More>
Not in Parenting Handbook
What is the appropriate punishment for drawing a moustache, beard and wiener on your sister’s Jonas Brothers poster?
In Sickness and In Health
“Note to self: Do not be annoyed when husband stays in bed sick all day upon returning from a six-day biz trip because he just might end up in the ER with a giant kidney stone and you’ll feel like a real jackass.” More>
Project Runway Fashion Faux Ma
“I had promised Eileen that we would see one of our favorite Project Runway stars Nick Verreos at a fashion event at Macy’s. I am miserable and my kid knows it but is trying to hide her disappointment that we might not go.” More>
And the Award for the Most Pathetic Costume Goes to…
Some other spooky memories from Halloweens of yesteryear…
Shingle Bells, Shingle Bells, Shingles All the Way
“I meet with a new doctor and explain to him that I might have a mysterious parasite because I was surrounded by horse crap for an entire weekend.” More>
Mommy Dearest’s Birthday Breakfast in Bed
For more year-in-review blog posts, visit Scary Mommy’s hilarious site!