Are You There Google? It’s Me, Karen

Well, hello there. Welcome to my new flashy site that required over 40 hours of labor with no epidural.

Serves me right, getting all cocky and greedy: “If you do what you love, the money will follow!” Long story longer, I had to do some fancy web stunt work in order to run some ads on the site. I have no idea what the hell I am doing, so it took F.O.R.E.V.E.R. (Now that was another great Judy Blume book! Remember the main character Ralph the penis? My dog-earred copy of that book made the rounds throughout my Catholic grade school. Then someone trumped me and snuck in her mom’s copy of Wifey. Sex Ed at St. Ed’s!)

Okay, where was I? Now you can see why it took me so long to follow codes and cache and analytics and adsense and feedburner and plugins. (Look — there’s something shiny!)

So I get the darn blog all gussied up, hit refresh and wait for the magical Google ads to start appearing so all that cash can start rolling in. Note: I don’t choose the specific ads. Google randomly determines which ones to run by the article’s content, which I am now discovering is not a such good thing considering my story lines.

For instance, in the About section, there is the ultimate compliment about a reader peeing in her pants. Here’s what came up:


Karma Wins by a Nose (Getting biffed in the nose by my son’s melon head and reprinting Instant Karma lyrics)


Trick or Treat? (Petrified turds under the bed)

B.S. Detector (Knowing if the kids are telling the truth about being sick)

Another Cup Runneth Over (My pathetic attempt at talking to daughter about puberty)

Last, but not least, my favorite: In Sickness and in Heath (Husband’s kidney stone ordeal)

So it looks like it’s back to the birthin’ room to figure out how to run ads that my readers would appreciate: booze, shoes and pills for snooze.

Dawg, get me some ice chips, please!

Permanent link to this article: http://www.mom-mom-mom.com/2010/11/18/are-you-there-google-its-me-karen/


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  1. Kim Pugliano

    Hahaha!! That’s what you get. I’m totally getting ads TODAY. I can’t WAIT to see what ads I get. Hopefully erectile dysfunction for posts about my ex. I reallyreallyreally think that would be amazing.

    You rule.


  2. laurie

    your are too funny! love the new site–I am impressed–I am a computer illiterate so you amaze me! Your posts crack me up! I look forward to reading them during my boring days at work!


  3. Maria

    Great Job on the website!
    You Go Girl!

  4. Marta

    Karen, this is GREAT!!!. You are just so amazingly funny, you light up my days. Keep up the good work and be careful with those horses this weekend:)

  5. Karen

    Don’t be too impressed, Laurie! I really don’t know what I am doing. I earned 1 red cent my first day with ads. ARG! (I am glad that you can read this at work! My office has it on the Banned list!)

  6. Karen

    Thank you!

  7. Karen

    Love it! Or for teeny condoms…

  8. Karen

    Thanks, Marta! And I had a lovely time at the dude ranch. I am sure I scarred the poor kid who had to man-handle my ass to get me on my horse.

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