Whiz Kids


2007: Aidan 5, Eileen 7

“Is it appropriate for Aidan to be peeing in a box?” Eileen asks/smirks, knowing damn well the answer.

“What are you saying?”

“He’s peeing in the middle of the basement into a shoebox.” Her eyes light up with the thrill of the tattle. I head downstairs to find Aidan proudly walking out of the bathroom holding a wet shoebox and wrapping paper tube.

“Hey mom,” he says. “I just invented a pee machine. You put your peanuts* into this tube and shoot your pee down into this box. It’s good for when you are in the car and really need to pee. Don’t worry, I washed it out in the bathroom.”

I mumble something about germs, head back upstairs and need my own pee machine from laughing so hard. And wouldn’t you know it? The following weekend, he had a pee emergency and had to make do with a Diet Coke bottle. Not nearly as fun, but made for plenty of lemonade jokes.

*For years, Aidan thought that Penis = Peanuts and we did not correct him. And we also let Eileen think that Nobles was the correct name for Nipples. These code names came in very handy in many a public place.”Mom, you can totally see your nobles poking out.” “Mom, this ride hurts my peanuts!”

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  1. Patty

    Even though I’ve heard this before, it still cracks me up. And my own little guy also referred to his peanuts* once when he was a toddler in a stroller walking his big sis to school in the dead of winter and he told me ” Mom, my peanuts are cold!”

  2. Maggie

    The pee machine story gets me every time.

  3. Fran

    Very funny stuff!

  4. Lori

    Thanks for the memories. Hilarious!

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